PollyTheism

GODS NEED YOU MORE THAN YOU NEED THEM

2009-06-20T20:12:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder why gods keep demanding that you believe in them? It's simple--if no one believes in them, they stop existing.

Think about it. Baal doesn't exist any more, does he? That's 'cause no one goes around worshiping him any more. Same with Thor and Zeus. Oh sure, people tell the old myth stories, but that's all they are...stories.Nobody actually worships them these days.A god without worshipers gets sent to a special limbo. It's sad to think of, really, like a one-time wealthy industrialist sitting on the curb with a begging bowl, stopping people and asking for spare change. "Please believe in me. I've got all these hungry seraphim to feed."

Unlike other gods, Polly knows DesCartes' argument. She exists because she believes in herself. She doesn't whine for other peoples' belief. Whenever someone tries to tell you that you must believe in their god, say, "Why? Doesn't he believe in himself?"

You know you exist, so you don't need god. But god needs you to save him from a fate worse than death: Nonexistence.

POLLY: "IF I DIDN'T BELIEVE IN ME, I'D PROBABLY BE AN ATHEIST, TOO"

2009-04-17T10:53:00.000-07:00

PollyTheism has been added to The Atheist Blogroll. You can see the blogroll in the sidebar. The Atheist blogroll is a community building service provided free of charge to Atheist bloggers from around the world. If you would like to join, visit Mojoey at Deep Thoughts for more information.
Polly has asked me to add: "You should take a look at what some of those people have to say. Who knows? They may know something I don't."

OTHER GODS ARE COCK-TEASES

2009-04-12T12:54:00.000-07:00

Note to the ladies: The English language has a gender bias. In case you hadn't noticed. A woman who's sexually promiscuous is a slut, a tramp, a whore. A man who's sexually promiscuous is just a guy. Since I'm writing in English, I'm forced to use sexually loaded terms for effect--but they're meant as put-downs in a non-gender-specific way. Honest!

Gods want you to beg. They love to lead you on. They love to entice. They're full of promises. Come spend your time with me. Come give me all your love and devotion. I'll deliver for you, honey. Someday. I promise. You can have Paradise. You can have streets of gold. You can have celestial music. You can have milk and honey. (Has anyone thought what a sickening combination of flavors that is?) I'll even give you virgins.*

*(Offer good for male believers only. Quantities limited.)

The problem is, these cock-teases never deliver. It's always "Later." Preferably after you're dead, when you can't complain or ask for your money back. Gods never put out--or if they do, it's grudgingly, and with lots of strings attached. They make sure you know what a sacrifice they're making for you.

Polly doesn't want you to beg, or demean yourself for her in any way. She makes no promises. She does what she wants out of friendship, and expects you to do the same. If anything worthwhile occurs between you and her, it's because the relationship is mutual. When a relationship works right, you both get something out of it.

JESUS IS A CHEAP DATE

2009-03-06T15:07:00.000-08:00

When we go out on a date with someone we want to impress, we usually go through various rituals to make sure our date will like us. We shower or fix our hair or brush our teeth or gargle. We want to make a good impression.

But with Jesus, you don't have to bother. Why not? Because "Jesus loves you." It's on all his posters, in all his ads. No need to dress up. No need to go to church or pray or do any of that stuff. Why waste your time and energy? Jesus has no standards. He doesn't even care if you behave yourself. You can rob a bank or murder your boss, he doesn't care. He's so desperate for followers, he'll take anybody.

It's just like it was in high school. The girls with self-respect have at least minimal expectations. Their date must look and smell presentable, and should make an effort to ensure they both have a good time.

Then there's the sad ones with no self-respect. The guy can call them up at the last minute and expect them to be ready. He can be unwashed, ungroomed, wearing old clothes, take her to some cheap fast-food place (if he takes her anywhere at all; maybe he even expects her to pay). She's always available, day or night. She's at his disposal no matter what he does, because she loves him.

Polly has standards. She doesn't condemn people for being what they are, but she doesn't go out of her way for them. She's willing to be friends with anyone who'll make an effort to be friends with her--but there has to be respect on both sides. She knows that's the only way a real relationship can work.

Sunday, March 1 Is Hug-An-Atheist Day

2009-02-17T09:22:00.000-08:00

I don't know who made the declaration, but it's definitely a Good Thing. Polly is fully supportive of hugs. They're one of the greatest anti-entropy tools around

But she doesn't limit it to a single day. As far as she (and I) are concerned, every day is hug a PollyTheist day. That's one of the great things about PollyTheism--it doesn't set any arbitrary limits on you. (You can make your own holidays, too. But if your boss isn't a PollyTheist, he might not accept them as an excuse not to show up for work.)

More Reasons Why Polly Is Better Than All Other Gods Put Together

2009-02-12T09:15:00.000-08:00

Other Gods Demand You Do Strange Things.

Some gods want you to gather in groups with people you don't know, or even particularly like. Some gods want you to commit acts of pyromania by lighting candles or other things. Some gods want you to carry rugs around so you can pray on them multiple times a day. Some gods ask you to get into awkward and uncomfortable poses--such as kneeling, which can be very uncomfortable for older people. Some gods want you to perform unnatural acts--such as singing. (For most people, singing is an unnatural act. Have you heard most people sing? Anyone who's ever heard me sing agrees it's as unnatural as things can get.) Some gods want you to wear funny or uncomfortable costumes. Some gods tell you who you can associate with, or who you can marry, or what sexual positions you can or cannot use. Worst of all, some gods tell you to kill or otherwise persecute people you don't even know.

Polly is informal. If it's uncomfortable, don't do it. If you enjoy it and it doesn't hurt anyone else, why not do it?

Other gods make outrageous promises.

Eternal life is one of the biggest. They love to promise you that. Of course, that's only after you die, once no one can prove it. Gods don't promise you eternal life now. It's too easy to prove them wrong.

Polly simply refuses to make promises she knows she can't keep.

Other gods seem to be forgetful.

They need you to keep reminding them of things. You'd think they might remember little things like, say, having created the universe. But you have to keep reminding them of it whenever you talk to them, just in case it slipp;ed their mind.

Polly keeps better track of what she does.

Some Reasons Why Polly Is Better Than All Other Gods Put Together

2009-02-08T17:52:00.000-08:00

Other gods are braggarts.

Other gods claim credit for everything in the universe--often literally. They say they created it, they control it, they own it. You? You're nothing! Less than nothing, really. They even claim credit for creating you, even though they know your parents had something to do with it. They'll even quarrel with other gods about who's responsible for what. The Xian god even denies the other gods exist, claiming he's the only one and all the others are false. Can't stand the competition, I guess.

Polly is much more modest. She'll admit she was there to help get things in order--but she knows the creation was a rush job, and is nothing for anyone, god or mortal, to brag about.

Other gods are bullies.

Other gods tell you to do what they say, or else. If you don't do things exactly the way they want you to, you'll get punished in all sorts of nasty ways. You'd think, with them being so powerful and everything, it wouldn't matter what you do. Hell, if they're so powerful, why do they need you to do their bidding? But they insist you have to be their slave and do everything they want.

Polly doesn't boss people around. She has her own stuff to do. If you want to help her, that's cool. If not--well, it's your life.

more reasons to come. lots more....